i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
