So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
