I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
