Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
