I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
