The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
