I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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