make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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