My nipple is on Facebook.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
