It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
