New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
