I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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