Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
