It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
