dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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