they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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