We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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