i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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