Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
