two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Randomize
