woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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