They should really pass out barf bags in church
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
