Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
