Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
