I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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