the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
