Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
