I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
