the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
