is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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