I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
