I love black thongs
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
then he tried to convert me to islam
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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