11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
