just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
