She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ðŸ˜ðŸ’€#pensacolaproblems
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
