I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
