got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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