they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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