if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
