I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
