Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Life is so much better after having sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
