please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
