Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I love having hate sex.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You ruined the universe
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
