just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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