Someone shit on the floor
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
