Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
