Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
