He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
