my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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