I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
