I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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