She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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