now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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