you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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