You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
